My wife asked me this weekend when I was going to get everything on her Honey-Do list done.
I told her: "When Bronco Mendenhall is on Twitter. HAHAHAHAHAH!" I'm starting with the rain gutters Saturday.
Well, better late than never, I guess. Bronco Mendenhall now graces our presence on Twitter with the terribly original handle @byu_football. And since Coach Bronco has yet to actually post a tweet beyond his self-introduction, I took the liberty of writing these tips and tricks for him.
10 Twitter Tips and Tricks for Bronco Mendenhall
- We don't care about your breakfast, workout routine or your kids (unless one of them is going to dominate opposing WRs one day).
- Sarcasm is often lost in Tweets. I recommend adding "That was a joke, by the way" at the end of any reply you make to fans.
- While live-tweeting as your Alma Mater, Oregon State plays, be sure to avoid such exclamations as "That Beaver sure can take a hit!" This will avoid uncomfortable conversations in the Administration Building.
- Try to avoid making your first tweets sound boring, like "Paramount in any endeavor is attention to mastery of assignment and proliferation of attitudinal fortitude."
- We wouldn't care about your Fantasy Football team, though we know you don't partake is such lightmindedness on the Lord's Day.
- One day, you may see a smiling whale after you attempt to tweet. That represents the epitome of failed position mastery.
- Don't ever tweet about Robert Anae going fast and hard.
- You cannot call a timeout on Twitter, even though we know you'd use them inappropriately.
- If you see an Avatar of a dude in suspenders, you'll wanna make sure to throw a mention at him.
- See the menu item on the page that's a little "@" symbol? You should probably avoid going there.