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Bronco joins the unwashed on Twitter: Tips and tricks for the coach as he tweets

Bronco Mendenhall is on Twitter. Without help, the coach just may say something he regrets. So I offer 10 tips and tricks.

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

My wife asked me this weekend when I was going to get everything on her Honey-Do list done.

I told her: "When Bronco Mendenhall is on Twitter. HAHAHAHAHAH!" I'm starting with the rain gutters Saturday.

Well, better late than never, I guess. Bronco Mendenhall now graces our presence on Twitter with the terribly original handle @byu_football. And since Coach Bronco has yet to actually post a tweet beyond his self-introduction, I took the liberty of writing these tips and tricks for him.

10 Twitter Tips and Tricks for Bronco Mendenhall

  1. We don't care about your breakfast, workout routine or your kids (unless one of them is going to dominate opposing WRs one day).
  2. Sarcasm is often lost in Tweets. I recommend adding "That was a joke, by the way" at the end of any reply you make to fans.
  3. While live-tweeting as your Alma Mater, Oregon State plays, be sure to avoid such exclamations as "That Beaver sure can take a hit!" This will avoid uncomfortable conversations in the Administration Building.
  4. Try to avoid making your first tweets sound boring, like "Paramount in any endeavor is attention to mastery of assignment and proliferation of attitudinal fortitude."
  5. We wouldn't care about your Fantasy Football team, though we know you don't partake is such lightmindedness on the Lord's Day.
  6. One day, you may see a smiling whale after you attempt to tweet. That represents the epitome of failed position mastery.
  7. Don't ever tweet about Robert Anae going fast and hard.
  8. You cannot call a timeout on Twitter, even though we know you'd use them inappropriately.
  9. If you see an Avatar of a dude in suspenders, you'll wanna make sure to throw a mention at him.
  10. See the menu item on the page that's a little "@" symbol? You should probably avoid going there.