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Countdown to Kickoff (27): Fake Friday Fall Camp Rumors

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BYUCougars.com

BYU Football is finally here! However, until the real games start we can only enjoy it in the small tidbits that we get through the video team and the updates that media members pass along after their viewing sessions. But even then the media only gets to see a small portion of practice.

Despite our EXTREMELY limited window into the program, there is no shortage of hot takes that have been flying around the internet. To some fans, there are signs that this could be a big double-digit win total season and to others there is no use even showing up because we’ll probably lose them all. To help satiate the thirst that exists for hot football takes, here are a bunch of rumors about the program. I should be clear that none of these thoughts or takes are even close to being substantiated. These are 100% made up but don’t deviate too far from the bologna that some people are pumping out online.

So sit back and enjoy these rumors and watch as some Utah fans stumble across these only to thing that they are real.

  • Zach Wilson looks like a true Heisman contender, even after his shoulder surgery. Heck I wouldn’t be surprised if the surgery made his arm that much stronger. You ever seen that movie “The Rookie” featuring Dennis Quaid? Well he made the majors after blowing our his arm so who science says that Zach’s arm will be stronger than ever.”
  • “Every offensive lineman has added 50 lbs of muscle and the equipment staff had to order special shoulder pads and pants to accommodate their massive bodies. I haven’t seen the official weigh in numbers but there isn’t an offensive lineman that weighs under 400 lbs. The great thing is all of that build is muscle. BYU might get their first offensive lineman drafted for the first time in years. Don’t quote me on this but all five of them could go in the first four rounds.”
  • “I don’t want to be dramatic but the entire specialist unit has forgotten how to kick field goals. Jake Oldroyd came home from his mission kicking with the wrong foot and Skyler “BIG BOOTS” Southam trained the entire offseason as if he was going to play safety. After two days of practice, not one single football has gone through the uprights. The closest that the team has come to a made field goal was when Aleva Hifo got frustrated after dropping a pass and drop-kicked the football towards the goalpost. The ball bounced off the cross bar but it was so close that Hifo is now spending time with the kickers.”
  • Jaren Hall is 100% going to see the field this fall but not at the position you think. We haven’t actually seen this yet but word on the street is Hall has been taking reps at defensive end. He doesn’t have the ideal body type for the position but the coaches believe that his versatility can overcome his size limitations. Could he be the first player in the program to record a sack and throw for a touchdown in the same game? Derik Stevenson says yes.”
  • “Kalani Sitake looks like he’s in the best shape of his life in an effort to motivate the players. Ed Lamb has taken the reverse approach and looks downright tubby. Apparently he made a deal with the players that he would be their designated eater, meaning he would tap in and eat bad foods like cookies and Twinkies when a player was tempted with said foods.”
  • “Andy Reid sent half of his playbook to Jeff Grimes to help give him a leg up this next season. Andy also arranged for Patrick Mahomes to donate his blood for when Zach had his offseason surgery. Unorthodox yes, but you don’t turn down MVP blood.”
  • “BYU’s resident Florida man Kyle Griffitts has been secretly raising alligators in his Vineyard apartment. We have no idea why. He’s from Florida and that’s all we can say about that.”
  • Austin Lee looks amazing, probably thanks to his amazing new training method. To help get his body in even better condition, he has been sleeping at the top of Mount Timpanogos. Sleeping at extremely high altitudes has allowed his body to generate twice the red blood cells, bringing the oxygen flow to another level. To help cut down on commute time, Qualtrics CEO Ryan Smith has been giving him rides to and from the mountain on his helicopter. Is that an NCAA violation? Probably but there is no way the Trib is reading this..”
  • “In addition to getting up to speed with the offense, Ty’Son Williams is keeping his mind sharp by going off book in another subject: ACTING. Williams decided to try out for a fall performance of an original play titled “South of Saratoga” and ended up getting the lead. The play goes up in the Nelke Theater in HFAC the first week of October, which works nicely with a bye week. Hopefully his performance on the stage will match his performance on the field.”
  • Max Tooley has refused to speak with the media this week after watching the Bachelorette finale. Apparently he was really looking forward to see who Hannah picked only to be disappointed when she decided on Jed. I mean, we all feel the same so who can blame him.”