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TODAY AT BYU FOOTBALL CAMP: Volume 2 - River rafting is dumb

In order to give you all the hottest of all fall camp hot takes, we're going to dedicate all of our resources (a middle school student on summer break) to breaking down the daily video footage provided by the good people of BYU Football Video. Since very few of the practices are available to the public, we're using these little gems to unearth what is really going on behind the scenes at fall camp.

By Jake Welch
Members of the BYU football team decided to be a bunch of lazy turds and float down a river.
Members of the BYU football team decided to be a bunch of lazy turds and float down a river.
@BYUFBvideo

Apparently Bronco and the rest of the staff decided to give everyone the day off. Well except for the @BYUFBvideo team, which still had to do its job and capture some video content of everyone else having fun.

It goes without saying that the team taking a day off in the middle of camp is a huge disappointment. It's hard enough that they don't do any team activities on Sunday, we have to go and take ANOTHER day to kick back and relax. Save the non-football related events to the Sabbath, Bronco. God gave us six days to build a better football program and I'll be damned if we don't use every last one of them.

Related: TODAY AT BYU FOOTBALL CAMP: Volume 1 - Homicide and forgotten helmets

And don't give me any of this bologna about "team building" and "bonding." When Coach Herman Boone of the mighty TC Williams Titans needed to help his team bond, he woke them up at 3 a.m. and forced them to run ten miles to a battlefield where they were probably forced to fight each other with cricket bats (they removed this scene in the movie). Correct me if I'm wrong, but that team won the state championship, something Bronco hasn't done since 2009. So maybe we should do a little less floating and a little more running in the middle of the night.

The footage here doesn't really tell us a whole lot but I'll throw out some observations.

  • Just about every player in this video is wearing shoes and socks in the river. Correct me if I'm wrong but don't you usually wear sandals when you go floating down the river? Do the football players not get standard issue Chaco sandals? Those things are great because 1) they work well in a river environment and 2) they help players live a "chaste and virtuous life" as stated in the honor code. If you have to ask how the second part works, go buy a pair of those sandals and watch as members of the opposite sex flee from your presence.
  • At the :11 mark there is a player flapping his arms while he makes some kind of terrifying sound. He probably doesn't know how to swim, hence the terror and arm flails. Who knows, maybe he was on the verge or drowning. Another reason why off days are terrible. Players can die.
  • More trouble at the :25 mark where we see a player standing in the river without a raft. Did he lose his raft and now the football team has to pay for it? Dang it son, that's money that we could have spent on replacing those dumb sideline jackets from the Crowton...nevermind those have been replaced. Still, it would be nice to have that money back.
  • At the very end of the video we hear Mitch Matthew say "River all day baby" which is a lie because according to multiple reports the team also saw a movie on their day off, meaning they were not at the river for the entirety of the day. Someone please tell Mitch that if he wants to be an elite receiver he needs to stop being dishonest with himself and with others. I'm pretty sure lying is a minor Honor Code violation so he'll be missing the first game of the seasons. Way to go.

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